Sunday, March 13, 2005
i'm back!
i jus returned this morning... and i brought back wif mi two big bags of snacks... ok, so my intentions of dieting is long washed into the drains... bleh... XP
life there was really hard to describe. i mean in Malaysia. living above the seas was hard, the weather there is like, worse than Singapore. hotter and drier. i was there fer ard 4-5 days and there was no single drop of rain. and the heat makes mi think that bathing 4 times a day is certainly NOT ENUF!! haha. but well, the waters are beautiful. gorgeous. the people there are really outgoing and everything. although there are people whom i refuse to associate wif, most of the people and the aunties are so nice!!
and did i mention kids? there're so many kids running ard the place!! muahahahaha... *evil glint in the eye* in my short stay there i alr managed to 'woo' 5 kids or so successfully. wahahahhaaha... >:D also, the food there is fantastic. i'm like gonna start hating the food in Singapore. hmms... maybe this will help in my ever-so-stale weight-losing programme, hahahaha... '''-_-()
the life there is very simple, there is nobody looking down on u, nobody thinking of ways to make u look bad, when the entire family gather to sit at the bridge facing the harbour at night, sipping hot tea and chatting away, peacefulness jus washes over u. and the beauty of nature never ceases to surprise mi pleasantly. of cos, that is oso partly due to the fact that i was in the middle of the entire forest of hong2 shu4 (direct translation will b red trees), the one that is the most well-reserved area in the entire world. oh ya, the tress are called 'red trees' cos the inner part of the wood is actually reddish... it's very good fer construction and stuff so after many years it has become very limited ard the world... man i am real lucky to haf seen them aren't i. >:)
and their pasar malam is so nice!! haha... mi and my da jie went there and bought lotsa stuff like snacks, food, drink, sweets, VCDS, accesories, etc... i got this pair of bangles that u can ONLY get it at Taiping (the place where my da jie was born) and it's handmade and really nice! it's made of high-quality wood and there are oso carvings on it... it's erm... let's see.... brownish-black in colour, and oso it's supposed to like, bring forth safety to the one who wears it... but it's really hard so when i got it on it was SOOOO painful. Owww.... the pain remains fresh in my mind still. and i've got a bruise on my hand cos of that. but well it's worth it. hehz. they say if u wear it fer very long it can turn black, or brown, or red. depends on the wearer. so nice... :)
the quietness there sets u thinking, and it oso calms the mind. :) it was a very enjoyable stay, everyday was like a learning adventure fer mi. although mosquitoes still love mi despite the fact that i hate dem, i managed to enjoy myself thoroughly. can't wait to go there again next year!! :)
oh ya. and today i went to help px configure her blog. it's a nice blog despite the fact that it is one of those default ones. well, so i jus put in some links, a rose tagbox and music. hehz. final fantasy 10: to zanarkland. nice song. den i changed some stuff fer my blog too, namely the tagbox colour theme as well as the music. the current music is from chrono cross(ps1 rpg game, under squaresoft): radical dreamers. am contemplating whether i should sing this fer my audition into nj choir. -^o^-
heh hehz nth much really, am still in a very peaceful mood, although the thought of work pulls my spirits down a little. well, she hui! go! u can do it! fight! fight! fight! haha... ^_^
3/13/2005 05:55:00 PM
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
a new outlook...
yo everybody... jus changed my template... is this too blue? did a lotta moderations b4 getting the alignments and the positions of all the tables rite... the one and only reason why i chose this template was bcos of the butterflies... i like them.
ok, well blue isn't exactly my fave colour but at least there's black and white. and it isn't easy to actually find a green template that looks nice wif black and white. and trust me, i will never find the time to do a template myself. cos i'll drive myself crazy trying to make it the most perfect skin ever and try to squeeze everything inside the poor template. haha. i dun mind doing the image cos i do create my own backgrounds in my free time... adobe photoshop rox! :)
and i changed my tagboard along wif the smilies... any major objections? i got it fer the one wif the sweatdrop as well as e shocked stare... haha. think it's cute. still considering whether i should change the colour theme of my tagboard, jus in case anyone thinks it's too blue around here... '''^_^()
oh ya, and i'm going overseas tml. actually i'm only going to Perak, Malaysia, but well, i'll b visiting my aunt(da jie)'s hometown and it's a ke-long sorta place. living above the seas. haha. hope it'll b fun!! but well i can't really speak Hokkien and i can only understand ard 70% of the Hokkien my aunt speaks... haha nvm la. take it as a test fer my ability to adapt.
cried yesterday nite... cos din get my pay and I NEED MONEY. haha. oso cos someone from the kitchen called me asshole and fat ass again... den got super stressed den broke down. sighz. it's hard being poor. but i still can hang on la. i hope. '''-_-()
mrs tan once said she was shocked by me. cos she said that i was usually so lively and cheerful wif my frenz but she din expect me to be carrying so much and forcing myself to carry so much emotions and stress. well actually i tot abt wat she said and i realise it's true. many frenz whom i am not really close wif will think that i'm one who has nth to worry abt. and not a lotta my close frenz really noe wat's happening sometimes too. even wen han and pengxiao.
well... when i decide to tell, it'll b under 2 situations. one, cos i cant take it anymore, or two, i haf already gotten over it, i'm sure my emotions will not b very seriously affected by the event or watever. ya.
but well, i don't know... even though i was pretty upset i got better today, i mean, strictly speaking, YESTERDAY (7/03). haha. and well although i did not do really well fer my o's but i'm contented. and i dun see y other people can grumble so much about their grades or watever. i mean, it all depends on how u look at urself. nobody can look down on u unless u look down on urself. e grades r alr out and there's nth u can do abt it. whether u like it or not u still haf to live on wif it. the earth is still spinning, and nobody will stop fer u. so y not jus accept it happily and continue on life? hmms... well, i hope everyone gets wat i'm trying to bring across...
anyway, TONIGHT i'll b leaving and i'll b taking a bus there, the ride will last fer approx 10 HOURS so well, i'll b back on around 12th i think... will miss everyone lots!! haha wish mi bon voyage ppl!! :) cya in a week or so!! ^_^
3/08/2005 12:44:00 AM
Saturday, March 05, 2005
sighz
submitted my results alr... really wanna join bekah lingyi and renny in national... dunno whether can make it in or not... shall try my best!!
getting more and more of that feeling again... the feeling of having no reason fer existence.... once i thought i existed fer u and now i still think i'm existing fer u... but do u need mi? do u need my existence?
sighz.
i suddenly feel as though everyone is thinking bad of me, they actually dun wan mi to b around dem but they jus cant bring themselves tell mi that... i noe. it happens to everyone. all humans will harbour evil thoughts. but they dun need to b hinting it to mi here and there, rite? i'm human, but they haf to treat mi with the way they dun wan others to treat them. hello, are there like words on my face saying: ' pls vent all ur anger and hatred towards the entire world on mi!! i beg u to do it!!' ?
argh. rubbish. it feels terrible when the people u love actually say those kinds of things to u. they nv say it out, but anyone could haf felt the hostility from within.
i've always thought that i was one who was anti-social and i hate to make frenz. in an unknown and new environment i would probably jus distach myself from everyone else. not that it doesn't happen. and not that i don't like the way i am. i jus hope the other homosapiens in the world would at least haf some commen sense to socialise more with each other rather den wasting their brain cells, muscles and saliva to speak bad of me.
it's not that i don't know, it's just that sometimes i dun even care to think about wat kinna responses i should give. i dont care what others think of mi. i don't let people of no importance of me affect my emotions. but.. y did u have to say that? if u really despised me, y did u do all that to me? y did u say all that? we knew each other fer more than 8 years, although we were only close fer the last few years. close. is that wishful thinking on my part?
u said those words effortlessly, but they pierced into my heart emotionlessly.
the pain. i am the one who remembers.
u doubted my love towards px, doubted my love fer all my frenz. u doubted me. and u despised me. but when u are happy u r nice to me. i can accompany u all i wan but....
u were always dere fer mi. but what am i to u? i treat u like a loving sister, a friend. yet u had to say those things. if u loved me u would haf seen past my flaws. but u mock mi, u criticise mi, u insult mi. am i a fren? or jus someone in ur life to help u pass time?
i really don't noe.
it feels terrible, really. i tell myself u didn't mean it, but u said. both u and him think likewise about mi. i thought u understood mi. but i was wrong. u use other's eyes to look at mi and u use ur words to hurt mi. it did not matter to u whether i was wounded by ur words. it all seemed so easy fer u. but do u noe...
no.
u would never ever know.
3/05/2005 11:59:00 AM
