Tuesday, September 25, 2007
New Haircut!
For the first time in my life, I have decided to have a fringe! *gasp* Yes that means I went for yet another haircut! I have so little hair left on my head now I feel so un-me. But hey, I kinda really like my new hairdo. Do I look different? Do you guys like it? Tell me tell me! I need feedback to see if I needa wear a cap to hide it until it grows back to its original length.
This is how I look like now...
My hair.... T_T The lady boss kept complaining about how much hair I had and she kept saying it was good to be done away with all the hair... But... It tears my heart apart... My HAIR!!~It was really fun though to be so adventurous. Thanks to Rou Hua for spending the day with me and making me so happy. Ahahaha. Let's meet again soon. =)
EDIT: Great. Someone commented that I look disgusting and ugly and cos of that I had an emotional breakdown. Great. Now I feel bad and guilty and hideous. Ugh. And don't scold him. I think it's my problem.
9/25/2007 05:37:00 PM
Monday, September 24, 2007
Crumbling, like cookies...
I felt as if I could have crumbled under all the pressure and sadness.
When he placed the tip of the blade against his heart, he had no idea what I would feel. What people who loved him would feel. He had no idea how we felt.
With barely enough sleep and rest to pull me by the hours for the past week, at least I am glad that he is doing much better.
My one and only brother in the world, one of my bestest friends ever.
I am happy, for he has finally acknowledged me as his sister to outsiders. I don't know what propelled him to do so, but this is much better compared to how he was somehow always avoiding this confession in the past.
I am happy, for he has been generally happy for the past week, and even if he got unhappy he would talk to me about it.
All the tears I shed, out of pure love for him, I hope he saw them. I want him to know that somewhere out there, where he feels all alone, he still has unconditional love for him in his family, in me. I hope that he sees me as true family and a true sister.
We know not when he is leaving. We know not if he is ever coming back here. We know not how long he intends to rest even if he is coming back.
Throughout the near-six years I knew him, so much happened. Being close to him right after knowing him, being angry at him, forgiving him, hating him, slowly patching things up with him, rekindling my close relationship with him, trusting him and having him trust me back, and now look at us.
Sometimes I feel we seem inseparable. Sometimes I think I'm sticking to him too much. I would love to stay by his side forever, but I know that he has his life and so do I, he has a future mate and hopefully so would I. He is a brother to me, a brother I have wished for for all my life. An imaginary brother I based all my young hopes and dreams on. An imaginary brother come true for me. No one else would be able to understand his importance to me. Perhaps my hopes and dreams in my "brother" (in this case him) has transcended that of those in a future spouse, because I survived childhood with all these hopes and dreams pinned on my imaginary brother.
So then, with everyone getting the wrong idea about us, I still refuse to keep a distance. He is too important an existence to me, and, who knows for how much longer I can glue myself to him?
Most of my friends cannot stand him. Sometimes I myself cannot stand him. His love for self-pitying, his self-centredness. It is very tiring for me to have to deal with criticisms for him and his illness at the same time.
I have no idea what I am feeling at times. I just feel so drained, so weary. I want to take a good long rest but my situation does not allow for this. I can remember all the pain, the anger, and exhaustion, the weariness, the fear, the troubles that I felt when I myself was ill. Maybe I still am. And now he is ill. Much more sick then I ever had been.
I just wish that I could wake up and have my first thought of the day being -- "This is going to be an awesome day!"
Okay okay, it's still the old me and my randomness and weirdness. Go figure. Thanks to all those who had the patience to hear me sprout my nonsense.
9/24/2007 12:40:00 AM
This is an advertisement I received via e-mail many years back but still I thought it is worth sharing with everyone.
9/24/2007 12:37:00 AM
Friday, September 21, 2007
Written on 16th September:
被人们围绕着，却觉得孤独寂寞。
到处都是笑声，心中却在滴血哭泣。
脑中心里盘旋无数的情绪，胸膛却只有空荡荡的感觉。
总觉得大家因我而不愉快，因为他人而快乐。
我存在着有什么价值？
我能够为我爱的人做些什么？
我爱的人会不会因为我爱着他们而完全快乐不起来？
我的爱，给他人带来了烦恼、哀愁、永永远远的不愉快。
我想，在给他人带来那么多不愉快之后，
我要的归宿不是在我爱的人的身边，
而是在爱我的人的身边。
9/21/2007 07:07:00 PM
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
It Set Me Thinking
When you pray to be happy, do you think God makes you happy, or does He give you opportunities to be happy?
When you pray for a problem to be solved, do you think God solves the problem for you, or does He give you opportunities to fix the problem?
When you pray for family unity, does God put happy emotions in all of you, or does He give you opportunities to be united and happy?
Not the exact wordings, but the gist of a certain portion of the show Evan Almighty. I can't say I'm faithful or religious, but this set me thinking. About people's expectations and faith in the Gods they believe in, about the proportion of people who actually thought through all this and saw through all this.
知足常乐，人们最重要的就是要学会知足，
这样才能够对自己周遭所有的一切都能看透，
寻得人生的真理，得到真正的快乐。
9/12/2007 04:54:00 PM
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
31 Aug Pictures
I decided to post up the other pictures I took on 31st Aug. The pictures I took with my bro seems to be disgusting some people. So okies, post deleted for the benefits of others.
On 31 Aug before going to the President's Challenge Youth Talent Concert, my 大姐 and I went to Vivo City to catch the Heroes cast!!
Heroes is such a good show! Watch or you will regret!! It's SUPER DUPER NICE!! Anyone interested to watch, ask me! I've got the whole of the first season!!
Oh and although the show is only on Star World (cable) and won't come to Channel 5 until this November, there were still so many people there that my 大姐 and I were completely astounded. We didn't go very early, so we could only watch from the second floor. Hiro Nakamura!!!! Masi Oka!!!! I love your character in the show!!!
