Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Lots of random stuff
Oh my God.
I just trimmed my own fringe today so that my fringe won't keep poking my eye, and it looks no different than before.
I want to pull up my grades and study hard but I just ponned Chinese Studies lecture today. Listened to the announcements then walked out of the LT cos there are like 100 slides full of nothing but words and the lecturer does nothing but read from those slides for the entire lecture. I think she hates me to the core, but it's not like I give a damn about the lesson. It's all in the slides. I guess I feel a bit guilty for upseting her, but as an educator, the least she can do is to not just read from the slides. I mean, hey, anyone who knows how to pronounce those words can do that. Isn't tertiary education supposed to be something more? Those lectures make me feel like a kindergarden kid where the teacher reads the passage out loud for us.
I just went to the Central Library for the first time in my life today and well I guess if I want to study then going to the library is inevitable. But it was more of a scout for sleeping spots for me. I just hope I won't have to spend so much time in school that I have to resort to sleeping in the library.
I was scouting around for cheap clothes for Chinese New Year, and heck, I want to slim down, I want to be pretty and tell Pengxiao that with pure confidence to make her so proud of me.
I am waiting for Philosophy lecture to begin, one of my two favourite lectures (the other being History, of course), something that I actually look forward to, and I am drinking iced milo now as a reward for being able to bring myself to school today.
I have so much to do, yet I don't feel like doing anything in particular. I just spend my free time stoning, gaming, surfing the net, and stoning more, but I am supposed to study.
Oh wells, lecture is starting and I'm on to my second packet of iced milo. Go Plato and Socrates. Start your babbling and revive my thinking skills. =)
1/30/2008 04:00:00 PM
Saturday, January 26, 2008
To my dearest dearest friend...
Dear Pengxiao, 老公, nicole, pertia, 小白, whatever your name may be, whatever name other people refer to you as,
I love you so much and I miss you so much.
Never in my life have I thought that someone may exist as importantly to me as you.
I know it pains the both of us to be continuously forced to realize and remember the fact that we are physically apart now. Sweet memories may delight you yet taunt you at the same time, but we will create more memories while reminiscing on old ones!
We've made promises for the future, and we know that love can exist through space and time. You are not truly alone, for our hearts are bound together. Just remember that and continue to work hard. One day our dreams will come true and we will be together forever!
Just remember: 我永远爱你~ 我们的友谊会永远住在我们的心中，与我们同在~
1/26/2008 02:51:00 AM
Thursday, January 24, 2008
~ Renny and My Birthday Celebrations ~
For the first time in my life, I had soooo many rounds of birthday celebrations!! I really enjoyed myself, and thanks so much to all my dearies who remembered my birthday and took time off to celebrate with me. =) Well, here are the pictures of all those celebrations!! Picture-heavy post, be warned!! If you want to save the full-sized images, click on the images in my blog and you will be directed to my webshots album. Then just click on "full-size" on the top right hand corner of the page and then when the full-size image loads you can just right click and save image as. On the other hand, if you feel lazy, just let me know and I will send the pictures to you through e-mail or MSN. =)
First was a surprise my dearies threw on me on the night of my birthday!! They (actually, Bekah) tricked me into thinking that we were going to a new cafe in AMK Park, but ling, jing chuan and mich were actually there lighting up tealight candles arranged in the shape of a heart, and prepared cake and sparkles! Although we had to eat the chicken rice without spoons, I had so much fun looking at the stars, chatting, and correcting other people's imperfect English. :p
My chocolate cake in the centre of the heart-shaped candlelights. Whee~
Can you tell which ones are the cheapo tealight candles? =D
Wow, blurry and artistic picture of Bekah, the protector of the light (later on known as "lighter")
Random picture of me looking haggard and ling looking err.... even more haggard.
Yay! (^ v ^) (Candlelight please do not burn my hair~)
Bad ling, play with fire! (I'm playing with sparkles, so it's not the same)
Niccceee candlelights eh? No wonder Bekah is so fiercely protective of them. XD
Darkkk~ Our hair faded off into the darkness... Luckily we don't look like we're bald, haha.
Photo from timer take 1: failure. Everyone miscalculated the timer except fer jing chuan and I, which explains why everyone else was preparing to light up their sparkles while the two of us were holding sparkles up (errr... ya... right in front of our faces). Oh well, still this is a nice picture that speaks more than a good few hundred words.
Photo from timer take 2: partial-failure. As you can see, the picture was "seng-gyeak" to one side, but we did capture everyone.
Photo from timer take 3: partial-failure. Well this time the picture is "seng-gyeak" to the other side. Well at least this ensures a fair and just coverage of ling's and bekah's legs.
Ahh, yes, the romantic atmosphere. 情人，来，亲一个~ *muacks*
I advise all to only watch the front. This has to be one of the most terrible singing I've heard for a long time. Thank you ling, for reminding me that darkness and despair still exists in the world. I seriously think we would be better off filming the verbal exchanges that took place whenever someone spoke improper English. That would have been hilarious to watch, and definitely less torturous on the ears.
~ Part II of Pictures... ~
Alright all that was from the birthday surprise on Sunday... And then there was yesterday night!! (Actually it was just a couple of hours ago) We went to Cedele at Wheelock Place for dinner and had a nice long chat over dinner. Yay. I lurve chatting with me clique gurls =)
Our blueberry cheesecake from Secret Recipe!!~ Cute little red heart... that turned out to be inedible... (T_T)
I have to say that I appreciate the words, but couldn't the guy who wrote it choose another errr... more appetizing colour to make the cream wordings??
Two fresh 20-year-olds with two lighted candles~ (~^ _ ^~)
Featuring the seven of us with half the cake and the two bouquets of flowers the gurls gave to us two!
Ling's individual shot. Please throw away some of that self-love la okay? If not nobody dare compliment you le. Hahahaha.
Bekah's individual shot. Waaaaa~ Money money money... ($ o $)
Mich's individual shot. Apparently she think she like that very the cute. Alamak, can you be any more BHB? Ahahaha. Bekah have plaster on stand-by! She's going to be so hurt! (And YES, I am so mean. Muahahahaha~)
Xian's individual shot. I don't know why but somehow I just can't help but burst out laughing when I see the two guys behind her looking away from the camera. Combined with xian's expression... hahahahaha..
Er... okay... I know... I've got a weird sense of humour, just ignore me... (--___--)
My individual shot. Messy hair, pimples, drinking the lemon tea xian kept pestering me to drink. Why do I look so shag? zzzzz. And my t-shirt is cute okkkaaayyyy~ I like it~
小佐's individual shot. Until now I am still very traumatized about hearing the California gym thing. =/ (By the way does that L stand fer 'Love'? Or a pistol? Or L fer something else? Or was that just a random handsign? Ahahahaha~ I am tooopid... )
Renny's individual shot. 狐狸眯眯眼 so cute!~ (~^ o ^~) And I look super bored in the background... STILL drinking the lemon tea xian kept pestering me to drink...
The bouquet of flowers I got from me dearies. I lurve fingering the petals and sniffing at the flowers~ (~^ _ ^~)
Me plus the bouquet plus the card at home, took this on my laptop camera and also the photo right above. Really no chance of sunflower seeds ah? I like sunflower seeds a lot eh~~
5 continuous shots - ling's try. Hmm. I only got part of it. It would be much funnier if I had mich's version. Maybe I will change this vid to mich's version after she uploads it.
5 continuous shots - Renny's try. Okay so she did only two. I was getting a teeny weeny bit worried that I would have to join in if Bekah had to lend her hands for 3 and 4 and they might drag me in to help fer 5. Ahahahaha.
Phew, finally done with all that! Thanks soooo much, once again, to all dearies who have celebrated my birthday with me. (including Wen Han, although we forgot to take pictures together) Life would be so empty without you people by my side. I know there will be people who will be dying to scream at me and strangle me when they see the time I made this post, but wells, hee hee. I wasn't that familiar with webshots so I did many rounds of editing before getting all the links and urls right.
And yes, I also changed my blog layout to create a more lively atmosphere and have a greater entry area for my posts (since I always have so many pictures and videos to post). That meant that I had to make changes to my pictures slideshow, and I also did a great deal of html editing as well as modification of the blog skin images using Adobe Photoshop to give myself a greater area (er... I probably shouldn't rattle too much about this in case everyone catch no balls) and blah blah blah and getting new colour themes for my tagboard and what-not... So well, eh heh heh... I'm not totally satisfied with it yet, but this will do fer now. =p
Okies then, I shall go to bed soon, before I die of exhaustion =/ Hope everyone enjoyed the dinner, hope everyone likes my new blog skin, and hope everyone is happy with my posting of the pictures and videos.
Love ya gurls~ <333
1/24/2008 04:16:00 AM
Sunday, January 20, 2008
二十岁的我
不知不觉间，我终于正式告别了“一开头”的日子。
孤单寂寞的二十岁，充满了许许多多的忧愁、伤感、悲哀、孤单。
看到了人生中许多的莫可奈何，让我知道自己又“长大”了一点。
单纯的友情在别人眼中口中也会有变质的一天。是他们没有体验过真正的友情？还是人生太过于枯燥乏味，非得把事情想得龌龊不堪才能够满足自己的空虚心灵？
在应该关心照顾不开心的家人时，却只是发着无谓的脾气，或是以嘲笑冷漠不体谅作为回应。谁才是他的家人？真正关心照顾着他的是谁？
如果能像小孩子一般，不论男女地交友，不必在乎别人的诽谤那有多好。。。流言蜚语其实并不算什么，我想我真正担心的，是他们对他的冷嘲热讽，那些他可能因为他们而受到的伤害。
曾经，我把那里当成一片新天地，认为那里没有龌龊的人事物，现在才看清那里的天空虽然广阔，可看到汪洋大海，可存在于那里的见识理解谅解实在是又少又小，局限在古老的框框里，容不下任何其他的事物，几乎到了可笑的地步，可我现在却只为他们没什么色彩的人生感到惋惜同情。
曾经，我觉得那里的人都很“真”，不虚伪，认为能够认识大家真好，现在才发现那里的人所拥有的面目嘴脸未必没有城市人来得多。对着我一套话，背着我又一套话，嘴巴上亲切地唤着我的名字，心思却不停往着阴暗的角落奔驰。
诸如此类的认知，让我晓得自己真的有那么一点点长大了，看到了更多真相，了解到为人么人们不把纯洁与成人连在一起。
望眼刚过去的这一年，我看到感觉到了挚友受的痛苦，自己为了他感到痛苦，也让其他关爱我的人因为我受的苦而难过。看见别人不开心，自己不开心，也害得别人因为我的事而不开心。
这一年和往年比起来多了太多太多的悲伤泪水，少了太多太多天真的欢笑。多了太多太多的悲观，少了太多太多的乐天想法。多了太多太多的忧愁，少了太多太多的安眠。
也许是自我安慰，可我想，也许，有可能，说不定在这一年中我也多了对周围的人的认知，加深了我对自己的认识，学会了如何忍耐，体验了别人也许无法想像的一段苦涩日子。我也多了宝贵的回忆，懂得要更加珍惜友情，看到了自己那些说也说不完的缺点。
原本我还一直在想，这一年来我不断说服自己说我没有活着的价值，没有活着的必要，那剩下来的几十年光阴，我又该怎么说服自己活下去？
是时候变得更坚强了。是时候要懂得多爱我自己一点了。也许，也已经到了慢慢开始蜕变的时候。跟着感觉走，我也晓得有哪些人会在我身旁伴着我走着。之前一直往回走，路途坎坷，现在我想调整方向，挑战自我，做个开心一点的人，虽然很会发牢骚，虽然思绪每次不由自主地乱窜，虽然很怕孤单，虽然很爱哭，可是我想做一个更快乐的人。启程吧！把我所感到的不开心慢慢挥散掉，勇敢地抵抗肮脏不完美的现实世界，坚强地抵抗那些悲观黑暗的情绪，从头开始迎接我的二十岁！
祝我生日快乐~
1/20/2008 01:23:00 AM
Thursday, January 17, 2008
On the Side of Me
(这是一首由Corrinne May 演唱的歌曲。第一次听到的时候，我哭了，因为它让我想到了自己的处境，自己的幸运。我想把这首歌与我所有挚友分享；很多时候我都很懦弱，把很多事情搞砸，是一个不容易让人喜爱的人，可是我还是有你们大家一直支持着我。真的很谢谢你们，没有你们，我可能无法独自撑到今时今日。希望这首歌能够把我心中的感激之情传达给你们。谢谢你们对我的关爱。
致：兴（猪哥哥）, wen han, bekah 情人, ling ling, 娴儿, renny, mich, jing chuan, 小佐（阿佐师父）
(There is a youtube video with the song and not-that-accurate lyrics, but you can check this out if you want to listen to the song: http://youtube.com/watch?v=TdOT5unBbDA)
On the Side of Me (站在我这一边)
~Corrinne May~
I’m not the easiest person to love
I’m often the one who lets things go unresolved
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
On the side of me
Yea you choose to be on the side of me
On the side of me
我并不是最容易让别人去爱的人
很多时候都是我害得事情无法圆满了结
而你却还是选择站在我这一边
是的 你选择待站在我这一边
I’m not too proud of some things
I’ve done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
are too big for me to hide
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
On the side of me
Blessed charity, you’re on the side of me
On the side of me
我在此生做过的一些事情让我感到不太光彩
在我衣柜里的那些骷髅
已巨大得让我无法掩饰
而你却还是选择待站在我这一边
天赐的慈爱让你能够站在我这一边
Cos everyone needs a friend to hold
When it’s cold outside and there’s no place to go
Yea everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
But you
因为每一个人都需要一个能让他拥抱的朋友
当外头寒冷透骨，
而自己没有去留之处的时候
是的，每一个人都需要一个能让他拥抱的朋友
我独自一个人哭泣着
没有任何去留之处
我还记得当时根本没人理会我
可你却是例外
I’m not the easiest person to love
But you, you’ve opened your heart
to show me what I’m worth
Cos you choose to be on the side of me
On the side of me
What a mystery, you’re on the side of me
On the side of me
我并不是最容易让别人去爱的人
可是你，你敞开了你的心胸
来告诉我我的价值
因为你选择站在我这一边
对我来说，你会站在我这一边就像个谜
Cos everyone needs a friend to hold
When it’s cold outside
and there’s no place to go
Yea everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you
因为每一个人都需要一个能让他拥抱的朋友
当外头寒冷透骨，
而自己没有去留之处的时候
是的，每一个人都需要一个能让他拥抱的朋友
我独自一个人哭泣着
没有任何去留之处
我还记得当时根本没人理会我
可你却是例外
Yea you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
1/17/2008 12:10:00 PM
Friday, January 11, 2008
Struggle
The numbness in my head lingers. When it finally bades goodbye, migraine comes knocking.
My heart pounds crazily, and my body trembles involuntarily.
It feels as though the blood in my body has frozen over.
I fight back tears, and constantly remind myself that I have to remember to breathe.
Breathe, live on.
What is happening to me?
I struggle to make it all better.
Struggle to convince myself to continue living.
My throat burns, my eyes mist over.
But I must not keep crying. I must be strong.
It will eventually all tide over, everything will ultimately be alright.
Endure. Persevere. I must be strong.
Take a deep breath. I can do it if I try harder.
I want to win this struggle.
I've got to be strong.
